Please pray for Justin.

尼古拉前执事 · Fri 3 February 2006 8:25 pm

Our friend Justin, who in the past was a moderator here, is currently in need of prayers. He has not asked for them here, but as one who cares for him, I wanted to ask for prayers on his behalf. If you are wondering what about, then please read his public blog entry at http://justinkissel.blogspot.com/2006/0 ... and-i.html

Грешник · Post by **Грешник** » Fri 3 February 2006 10:07 pm

Blog doesnt seem to load for me but nonetheless I shall pray adamantly for him. He has been a great friend to me, as has his wife and they are both very dear to me. May God bless them in their struggle.

Tessa · Post by **Tessa** » Sat 4 February 2006 7:25 am

That Blog brought me to tears!

May God grant him and us all tears of repentance, and forgive him and us all of our sins, and bless Mary to stay strong.

In Christ,
Tessa

Ekaterina · Post by **Ekaterina** » Sat 4 February 2006 5:21 pm

Justin:

You and yours are in my prayers...

Katya

Justin Kissel · Post by **Justin Kissel** » Sat 4 February 2006 9:51 pm

In another thread, Joanna asked about why someone would leave (or step back from) Orthodoxy, and I think it is a good question. Liudmilla made a post in response that is very applicable, so I will add a few comments here just as an addendum to her post.

First, it has to be understood that I over-intellectualize things too much. I am not someone who can just go to Church and pray and so forth and be happy. I'm just not like that, whether it's genetics or my life experience of what, I don't know, I'm just not. My wife is, and I wish I could be more like her. But trying to swim against the current is a futile effort. I am not saying that we should just let the current wash us down stream, of course. But sometimes you just have to take a moment and stand still, to gain some perspective.

I have been, formally, Orthodox for four years. However, I have been de facto not Orthodox for most of those four years. That is to say, I haven't really acted like an Orthodox Christian. Jesus said that those who love him will follow his commandments. But I don't follow his commandments. I suppose that someone would say, rightly, that no one does entirely. But I guess I'm just at the point where I have done so little right for so long, that I have to step back and ask myself what the problem is. I've already tried going to Church, praying, reading spiritual literature, and I've tried the opposite (ie. not pressuring myself, just trying to do "the minimum" as a starting point). It just isn't working. So, on the one hand it's time to step back and evaluate what is wrong and how I can fix it--or more likely, how I can get out of the way so that God can fix it.

There are other issues though, which may be mere excuses or they may be actual stumbling blocks. First, I cannot comprehend how a loving God could allow people to be eternally tormented. Maybe this is something that I just cannot understand. Maybe it falls under the umbrella of what Sirach says: "Seek not what is too difficult for you, nor investigate what is beyond your power. Reflect upon what has been assigned to you, for you do not need what is hidden. Do not meddle in what is beyond your tasks..." But I have not yet reached the place that Fr. Seraphim did, where he could just cast off his egg-headed tendencies. I have other theological issues, but the hell one is probably the most frustrating.

So what is one to do when they do not act like a Christian, and have serious issues with important theological concepts? I have tried to remain a Christian, but I am starting to feel like I am living a hypocritical lie. I originally postponed my daughter's baptism (this was 6 months ago) because I had hoped that this doubt was just a short phase and would pass. November came and it had not passed, so I agreed for my daughter to be baptized. It is now February, and still I struggle. Someone in my position has to ask themselves, "how long should I go on pretending to be something I'm not?"

So, saying that I am not Orthodox, or not Christain, it is not because I have some animosity towards these, but because I do not want to pretend to be something I really am not. I am not a practicing Orthodox Christian, I guess is what I am trying to say. I am also going back to reexamine the case for Christianity from the beginning, because I never did really do that. I just sort of accepted that Christianity was the truth without much thought. And now doubts arise because of that as well. It's hard for eggheads to leave stones unturned. It's best to start again. I can't take back partaking of the sacraments of course, nor would I want to; I can only start again and hope that this time my head gets my heart to come along for the journey.

George Australia · Mon 6 February 2006 12:58 am

Some situations can only be solved or ameliorated by chocolate.

CorpusChristi · Post by **CorpusChristi** » Mon 6 February 2006 9:58 am

Justin, you arent the only Orthodox that thinks and feels that way, even Orthodox Saints felt as you have for many years, and fought to make themselves pray and try and keep the commandments, its not a game of perfection-its life and struggle is the biggest part of it, your decision has been made, and you will pick up many books along you adventure, but will you do us one favor? will you atleast pick up the Prologue every day, or even a couple times a week and read the life of that Saint of the day...pretty simple,huh? and remember the Lords Prayer.......here is the life of ST Niphon in short, who for four years had a demon constantly telling him there was no GOD.

St Niphon the Wonderworker.

Born in Paphlagonia, he was brought up in Constantinople at the court of a great commander. Falling into low company, the young Niphon became dissolute and gave himself to great sin and vice. Because of his sin, he could not even pray to God. By the mercy of the most holy Mother of God, he was brought back to the way of righteousness and became a monk. He had innumerable visions of the heavenly world and waged a four-year war with the demons, who whispered to him incessantly: 'There is no God! There is no God!', but, when the Lord Jesus Himself appeared to him alive on an icon, Niphon received great power over the evil spirits and was freed from these heavy temptations. He had such insight that he saw angels and demons around men as clearly as he saw the people themselves, and he could discern men's thoughts. He often spoke with angels and disputed with demons. He built a church to the most holy Mother of God in Constantinople, gathered many monks together and saved many souls. Alexander, the Archbishop of Alexandria, through a heavenly revelation, consecrated him bishop of the town of Constantia on Cyprus. Niphon was already old by that time, and, governing the Church of God well for a short period, entered into Christ's eternal Kingdom. St Athanasius the Great visited him at the time of his death, being then archdeacon of the church in Alexandria, and he saw Niphon's face shine like the sun.