Drug addict mom?

Tessa · Post by **Tessa** » Thu 24 June 2004 3:27 pm

It is common knowledge to MOST who know me my mom in Colorado is drug addict/alcoholic. She has been since before I was born and I hold no real hope for her, she is not Orthodox or even Christian for that matter. She is highly functioning, holds down a job, has an 8 year old son and a live in boyfriend of 18 years, and most in my family are in TOTAL denial that she is a junkie. I know for a fact she has not quit because I can tell by her mood swings, sleep patterns, health, etc. She even called me this past winter crying when she found her live-in boyfriend had his "kit" for shooting up hidden in the bathroom and track marks on his arms. I grew up watching this and them abusing each other off and on and am relieved to be away from the whole mess.

However, she just got a significant amount of money back from her taxes and when she's "high" she's feels so guilty about not seeing my children that she now wants to buy us plane tickets to go out and visit. At first I played along and my husband said that I should at least go, "she IS your mom", of course. But the more and more I recount accounts from my childhood with this woman, I sometimes feel I NEVER want to see her again. Is this wrong of me as a Christian? Am I breaking the commandment about honoring one's parents by not succumbing to her wish to see us?

I argued with myself by saying that the well-being of my children is at stake being around such people. But if I bring up the fact of her lifestyle with her she will deny it, get offended and probably never speak to me again. I suppose I will take it up with my priest but I am almost embarassed.
The one good thing would be I could visit some people from this board in the Springs.

Gimme your two cents.

Tessa

Natasha · Post by **Natasha** » Thu 24 June 2004 4:25 pm

Tessa,

I would definately talk to your Priest about this...as you know, I have the same kind of situation with my father, and my Priest advised me years ago on this issue.

You can confide in your Priest, don't feel ashamed...and remember, more than likely, they have heard almost everything you can imagine!

Your friend,

Natasha

romiosini · Post by **romiosini** » Thu 24 June 2004 4:27 pm

Though, I may not live close to you, I sure can give you more than my "two cents" only. The greatest suggestion is to pray for her. If you ever visit her, show a sign of Orthodox piety. Stay with her, for some time, (If I were you), and try to convice her to come to church with you. What I hopefully, think is the best to do PRAY!

sorry, my two cents aren't the best but, hopefully they have some meaning

ORPRcamper · Post by **ORPRcamper** » Thu 24 June 2004 4:29 pm

I definitely agree with the above two suggestions, and I don't really have anything else to add. ccording to what I think, they hit the nail right on the head.

Tessa · Post by **Tessa** » Thu 24 June 2004 7:50 pm

Well I have taken her to church several times. In fact, she likes to "warmly" recount that she almost missed the beginning of my Baptism because she was in the church hall bathroom doing lines, (cocaine, that is.)

She hates Orthodoxy and makes a mockery of it and US and what we do. She thinks icons are ugly and they "loook like a little kid drew them". She says profane things when I tell her religious stories or lives of the Saints. She says our priests look like bums. In fact even when she is not on drugs, her brain is so warped from doing them for over 20 years she acts like a person who is possesed.

Again I will talk to my priest in the next few days about this but in my argument against her, is it not bad for my kids at least to visit her for the following reasons:

she is living with and has a kid with a man out of wedlock
she wakes up and instead of coffee drinks a coors light
every other word out of her mouth is F%$&
if i stay in her house means being potetntially in contact with drugs, crack pipes, needles etc. even though the chances of finding those is slim, it happened with my little brother when he was 3
she makes fun of me for making my cross, saying "god willing", fasting, etc. etc.

Thank you all for your input.

In Christ
Tessa

Savva24 · Post by **Savva24** » Fri 25 June 2004 8:56 pm

Dear Tessa,

I also have drug addicts in my imediate family and the perversity and almost demonic responce to holy things by your mother is not uncommon in my expirience. I think you are correct in defining it as a kind of almost demonic possesion. For example, once the drug addict in my family poured holy water down the toilet just to get a reaction out of me.

The thing is if your mother wants to see you and your family I don't think that there is any problem setting some rules. For example, that she at least respect your convictions and not mock you or your family, that she not curse in front of your children, that she not bring drug pariphenelia in to your house. If she can't respect that than you should tell her that you cant meet her. I also don't think that even mentioning Christianity in front of a person like that is worth anything, perhaps even damaging and may cause you to have feelings of resentment and all. Remember what Christ said about pearls before swine; the last part of the statment was ''lest they trample you underfoot''. I would not even bring up the Church in her presence. If the topic comes from her end, then I would suggest feeling her out and seeing if she is willing to talk seriously. If not than refuse to talk about it as a conversation about Christ without seriousness is only in vain anyway and like I said, perhaps even damaging for both sides. I have had some meaningful conversations with the drug addict in my family, but only at certain times of their soberness and self reflextion and always with him bringing up the topic. I even brought him to confession once. You never know. Of course prayer is the only thing you can do in the end as you well know.

In Christ,

Nicholas

尼古拉前执事 · Post by **尼古拉前执事** » Fri 25 June 2004 9:00 pm

To me this becomes a choice between 2 things. Is it more damaging for your kids not too se the grandma or more damaging to be around such a bad, immoral situation. Kids accept what authority figures do as right and if you expose them to this, in the back of their minds might be planted a seed that her actions and words are okay. Best to meet in a neutral location with just her and not her shack-up boyfriend. Then leave if she acts up. You must do what is best for your kids, not what she wants.