I'll admit when I first heard of the TOC I thought every synod whether Greek or Russian, was going to be united. Obviously, I was wrong though this never really bothered me. What has unfortunately bothered me is the faults of the clergy, whether these are personal faults or political beliefs that don't conform to Traditional Orthodox teaching.
Even if something doesn't even conform to Donastism, I get nervous. If a priest doesn't insist that women stand on the left and men on the right, red flags go off in my brain telling me that the church doesn't exist because of this minor flaw. I have always struggled with anxiety and maybe my anxiety has evolved into what i'm experiencing now. I can go from being overly zealous to very doubting in seconds and for what? a personal flaw in another human being? a tradition that a person simply forgot toe follow? sometimes I feel like i'm going insane!
I could name other things that I struggle with, but I think it would just make me look more crazy than I sound now. In multiple ways finding out about True Orthodoxy has been a blessing and a curse. A blessing in in that it has resisted all the heresies the World Orthodox have accepted, but a curse in that my anxiety has found another outlet.
Please forgive me a sinner.