What Should I Do?

[jgress]

I second Lydia's advice. A good way to ward off temptation is, somewhat counter-intuitively perhaps, to focus your life on others. Take the battle to the enemy, as it were: instead of hunkering down in your own personal fortress and vainly trying to deflect assault after assault, you can sally forth and sweep the invaders off the field (I love military metaphors, in case you couldn't tell)! Selfishness and self-absorption is itself sinful, so you will kill two birds with one stone: you'll be less susceptible to sexual temptation, and also you will show love for your neighbor.

A good way I've found is simply to try to get into the habit of asking how others are doing, asking if they need help with anything, and in general whenever you have interactions with people think about their needs. This is tough for me, as naturally I am introverted and reclusive, but we all have our own struggles.

Barbara is right that there are many temptations in college, but I honestly believe that in these days, temptations are everywhere. As has been noted, even those in a monastery can fall into sin. In college, you'll still have the ability to choose your surroundings and who you associate with, so don't let "temptation" keep you from pursuing that.

I think maybe your biggest challenge is to make a firm decision about what you want to do with your life, i.e. what profession or trade you'll pursue. I think you should make this decision without thinking about whether or not you'll enter monasticism. For many men, this is a decision not made until much later in life, and it's possible that you aren't called to monasticism right now, but maybe when you're older and have matured some more. Right now is your opportunity to acquire skills that will be useful for yourself, and for your future family or monastic community, whichever path you end up choosing.

[joasia]

James,

And, I just don't know what to do next.

The fact that you don't know means that you aren't ready to make a decision to be a monk. The more important decision you've made is be Orthodox. You can be Orthodox as a layman too. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm still undecided on whether or not I want to become a monk (or at least a single Priest) or get married, and this decision is going to affect what I do after I graduate.

A "single" priest? You mean a priest-monk, right? You have to earn, in spiritual warefare, to attain priesthood. This is a huge sacrifice. Did you know that the confessions a priest absolves are taken on his own soul and he will have to answer for it? I mean, that if that confessor-child keeps sinning what he/she confessed when they die, then the priest is responsible because he didn't heal them. Did you know that if any of his confessor children lose their salvation that he will have to answer for that at his judgement? He's not being judged only for his own sins, but also the souls of his confessor-children. This is why many monk saints really fought against being made priests or bishops. They knew the spiritual implications.

If I become a monk, I won't really need any education. I could just learn a trade to help out at the monastery. If I become a Priest, I'd want a Philosophy degree, if I get married, I'd need a higher paying job. What do I do and how do I decide?

I think every Orthodox Christian should study the Holy Scriptures whether they are laymen or monastics. But, not as academia, but as a living faith. It feeds the soul. What is philosophy worth? It feeds the ego.

For example, many secularists may tell me to pursue a really great job that would require years and years of education and to avoid marriage until then, however, they are not keeping in mind that we are expected to be celibate until marriage, and staying celibate for that long can be a challenge for many people. I don't see myself getting married. I'm a hermit. It's as simple as that.

I'm confused. If you don't want to get married then many years of education should not be a problem. And by the term "hermit", do you mean loner? Because you do live with your parents so you're technically not a hermit. You probably have other family members that come to the house and you mentioned speaking with non-Orthodox. You mentioned speaking with some non-Orthodox friends.

If I did get married, then it would have to be to an attractive woman who is so devoutly Orthodox and loving to God that she would attend every single Church service with me, even on our anniversary. She'd have to be the type where in order to truly win her heart that is so grounded in God, I'd have to come closer to Him myself.

Interesting how your first criteria is good looks. I think the last one should have been the first. And also you should consider what you would be to her. Don't be selfish. What it comes down to is our own salvation which also includes picking our friends. You need to ask: Does this person help me to understand God better? Does this person or circumstance or job bring me closer to God. And an Orthodox woman would be thinking the same thing about you.

On the other hand, I could avoid all higher education and strictly pursue monasticism, but what happens if I wash-out and find out that it isn't for me? It will be like I threw my life away and will take much effort to get back on track. What am I supposed to do?

This is not a one-time deal. You don't have to make an absolute decision. Actually, the saints don't recommend it. But, if you want to try it out for a weekend or a week, then go to a monastery if you can. If you can't, then stay where you are and get a job or go to school. One day, God-willing, you will have the chance to visit a monastery.

My mom wants me to become a pharmacist, but I don't know if I want to waste 6-8 years of my life in college.

Why a pharmacist?

What if I fall into fornication during that time?

Then learn from your mistakes and go to confession. Never neglect confession. We stumble and fall and then we pick ourselves up again. Trust me, you will grow stronger with age. God knows our weaknesses.

What if I decide to become a monk and this education ends up being pointless?

There were many saints that had education in different fields. St. Seraphim of Sarov was educated in accounting. He used his worldly knowledge of accounting to describe our spiritual struggles. If you study something before, it can always come to use in a spiritual perspective.

How do I know what to do?

What I see is a youngster who is impatient and wants to get an answer NOW. The circumstances that will come up will be your deciding factor...meaning you will have choices to make. The choices will be presented. They always are. You will see choices that you will want or not. With prayer to Jesus Christ, for guidance, He will make it obvious to you. You are confused by your emotions. I was confused once too. I was also 17 once. I wanted answers now. Please, please, consider my words. You are not in a bad place. Actually, you have a clear path in front of you. Don't stress. One day, you will be 47 and telling a 17-year old not to stress out. Trust the old folks. They've been there. They know the struggles. Anyway, as far as spiritual struggles are concerned, you need to listen to us old foggies. We've seen a lot. Ok?

[arcmode]

If you repent and pray always, how is it possible to have wasted time?

People tend to learn by failure, not success.

Maybe you'll end up like me; almost 40, no job, zero assets, one friend (having a rest in the psych hospital,) two failed marriages, no church in town and often found collapsed on the floor trying not to feel like killing myself and praying through grit teeth for another few minutes endurance. I can't complain, I've found the pearl of great price. There is no bad life with Jesus, but in the world you will have tribulation.

My advice? Question authority, be content with little, don't join the army, prepare to suffer, be accepting instead of expecting, don't forget to laugh at yourself and never give up on God.

Really, if you seek God, everything else is details.

[Barbara]

Arcmode you poor thing !

I want to hear more about all that you went through. Or better, how you are handling this.
Two failed marriages ? Oh ! Are you all right ?!!
Tell us about it.
It maybe will help James R a little, too, to see that people as adults have serious problems.

What about the friend in the psychiatric [that must be what psych stands for] hospital.
Where are they and how do they work ? Does the patient have to pay ?
How long does the patient stay ? A week ? Or for longer term, like rest of the life ?
I don't mean to be nosy.

Why do you feel so bad that you collapse on the floor ?
I am seriously worried !
You are such a valued member here. We can't let you feel so bad like that.

Is it discouragement ? It IS a problem not having a parish nearby. Very stressful of course.
We can all understand that.

Meanwhile, I hope James R is optimistic and keeping on probing, thinking, planning...

[Maria]

If you repent and pray always, how is it possible to have wasted time?

People tend to learn by failure, not success.

Maybe you'll end up like me; almost 40, no job, zero assets, one friend (having a rest in the psych hospital,) two failed marriages, no church in town and often found collapsed on the floor trying not to feel like killing myself and praying through grit teeth for another few minutes endurance. I can't complain, I've found the pearl of great price. There is no bad life with Jesus, but in the world you will have tribulation.

My advice? Question authority, be content with little, don't join the army, prepare to suffer, be accepting instead of expecting, don't forget to laugh at yourself and never give up on God.

Really, if you seek God, everything else is details.

Lord have mercy.

[joasia]

We are all sinners. There's no "poor dear" and such. We should be looking within our own souls and assessing our poor state. We need to clean up our acts. Our self-will because of our pride is why we are in this state. Repentance is the way. If we are sincere, God will guide us closer to Him.