How to celebrate a decent orthodox wedding?

[Jean-Serge]

Greetings to all,

I have a question about how decently celebrate an orthodox wedding. I’m thinking about the celebration after the church wedding.

Indeed, as you probably know, in a decent orthodox wedding, there should be no foul languages of course, no undecent games, but no dance too since dance at weddings is prohibited by two canons. Moreover, Saint Nicodemus the Hagiorite and Saint John Chrysostomus wrote long homilies explaining why it was not convenient to dance and use an orchestra for a wedding. Saint Nicodemus emphasizes the fact that we do not dance after baptism, communion, confession, holy oils… So we should not dance after a wedding.

This said, excepted a lunch with no more alcohol, how could we celebrate a wedding in a decent orthodox way. Any testimonies?

Thank you

Jean-Serge

Sources :

Council of Laodicea

1. That Christians attending weddings must not waltz or dance, but must sup or dine in decent fashion, as becomes Christians.

Interpretation.
The present Canon prohibits Christians, when they go to weddings, from waltzing, or, in other words, keeping time with drums or other musical instruments, and dancing in accordance with their measure of harmony and variety of sounds. On the other hand, they are commanded to dine and sup at these weddings with reserve and sobriety and decency, as befits Christians. See also c. XXIV of the 6th.

[Macrina]

No dancing at a reception after the wedding????

Jean-Serge, I don't know what the Cajun's here would think with no "fais do-do".
I'd like to read those homilies you mentioned, are they online?

So the canon you cited only prohibits dancing at weddings for Christians, not that Christians are not ever to dance. Hmmm

[Jean-Serge]

You're right Macrina, the condemnation is dancing at wedding only and not all dancing. The homelies are not online (as far as I know) but I can type Saint John Chrysostomus's extract.

Homely 21, On Ephesians 6: 1-4

You can enjoy a banquet with your friends to celebrate your marriage; I do not forbid this, but why must you introduce all these excesses? Camels and mules behave more decently than some people at wedding receptions! Is marriage a comedy? It is a mystery, an image of something greater. If you have no respect for marriage, at least respect that it symbolizes. [...] It is an image of the Church and of the Christ and will you celebrate in a profane manner? But then who will dance? you ask. Why does anyone need to dance? Pagan mysteries are the only ones that involve dancing. We celebrate our mysteries quietly and decently, with reverence and modesty. [...] How can you celebrate it with a noisy uproar, which dishonors and bewilders the soul?

From On marriage and family by Saint John Chrysostom, pages 74 and 75 published by Saint Vladimir Seminary Press in the collection Popular Patristic Series, translated by Catherine P. Roth and David Anderson. It can be bought on Amazon.com used because it is out of press.

For Saint Nicodemus, the homely is in French and very very long but I could translate the best extracts. Let me some time to find it in my mess.

[Macrina]

Merci beau coup Jean-Serge.

[Jean-Serge]

Merci beau coup Jean-Serge.

You're welcome. I could translate this short paragraph from Saint Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain. It comes from a long homely entirely dedicated to the subject CHRESTOETHEIA, SERMON III. The original I have is in French and was translated in from Greek by Vassa CONTICELLO-KONTOUMA (she lives in France and has a good knowledge of this saint. Here is the text : previously, the saint has explained why dances are in contradiction with the mystery of wedding. He adds the following explanation now. If someone wants, I can scan the text in French and send it by email.

The other mysteries are not accompanied with dances and games; so there should not be present at weddings too

My dear brothers, do you understand now why Christian weddings must be exempt of games, dances and songs? With what I’m doing to tell you now, it will be more obvious to you. There are 7 mysteries in our orthodox and catholic faith. The wedding is one of them. Indeed, those mysteries are baptism, chrismation, communion, chirotony, confession, holy oil and wedding. So, if it were good and legitimate to accompany the wedding – one of the 7 mysteries- with games, dances and songs, it would be good to do the same for the other 6 mysteries, i.e baptism, chrismation, chirotony and so on. However, Christians do not play instruments, don’t dance, don’t sing, neither for baptisms, chrismations, chirotonies nor for confession and holy oil. Thus, they should not play instruments, dance and sing for weddings. Because, if they do such things, we face the following dilemma : whether we regard marriage as a mystery different from the others, whether we introduce such practice in the other 6 mysteries, since all are mysteries. But we see that those 2 options are both unconvenient and bad. Therefore Christians must not play instruments, dance or sing at weddings.