Witnessing heterodox services.

[Ebor]

Some years ago, I had to make a decision about attending my grandmother's funeral. Perhaps I made the wrong choice; I can't change things now. My grandmother no longer was a Christian, because she had joined the Jehovah's Witnesses. I thought I understood our priest (not where I live now) to draw the line at attending a non-Christian rite. I no longer can remember accurately. At any rate, I did not go, and this angered my parents greatly.

Your all's thoughts?

Well, perhaps they percieved your refusal to go to your grandmother's funeral as though you were saying that to attend would, in a way, "dirty" you, or that you were "too good" to be in such a situation. Please note: I am trying to see things from your parents perspective. I am not trying to make any accusation or attack on you here and now. But if they were grieving for a mother's death, to have a child (albeit a grown one) refuse could be felt as a kind of 'slap in the face'.

Ebor

[spiridon]

in 1991 I lost my father ,who was a young 42 years old and both of us Roman catholic..the year before he had lost his father, my Grandfather to a tragic Heart Attack ( my Grandfather was a 4th dgree knights of columbus,and in the blue Army of the Roman church so he was a good standing member of the church)..and I wasnt able to attend his funeral, he was very close to me and my dad and to my shock my Father didnt attend his funeral either, mainly because I wasnt there..............it really made our family feel resentment towards us....anyways because my Father didnt attend his own Fathers funeral I too didnt attend my own Fathers funeral service in the church...I went and paid my respects
at his coffin and then went to his burial plot and said some prayers there and walked away,never to see my Dad again.............
I have photos ,we Roman catholics from South america for some strange reason take photos of the dearly departed and put in photo albums to remember them the day they fell asleep in the LORD......
I havent attended a funeral of any religion since both of there Repose..
Orthodox6 - times have now passed ,we cannot wish to shut the door on our past ,but learn from it.. we will see that our worst experiences in life will sometimes benefit others and become a true pot of Gold for those who seek answers and guidance..........you followed your heart and you dont have to answer to anybody But CHRIST himself and he already know`s all things..........."Rejoice for great is your rerward in Heaven"

[SouthernOrthodox]

This is an excellent discussion. Being a Funeral Director and having to attend many funeral services of different faiths and traditions. I can say out of respect for ones beliefs I have worn a cap in a Jewish Temple and took a knee in a Catholic Church and bowed my head in a JW's service, but at no time did I ever make the sign of the cross or partake unless in an Orthodox Church of the ceremony of worship. It makes for some interesting things that's for sure. I feel for those who choose not to attend. I can tell you that I didn't feel any less Orthodox afterwards and my belief system hasn't changed.

[Ekaterina]

Being present at and participating in a service is basically two different things.

Does whispering the Orthodox prayer..."Give rest to the soul of the departed...." at a funeral make you a participant or does it point to your hope that God will be merciful?

Does wearing a kipa at a wedding mean you are participating or that you are showing respect to another's adherence to his faith? And when is respect a bad thing?

Does kneeling at a prayer in a Catholic church mean that you are participating or does disrepecting the moment point to your arrogance and pride? And isn't that a bad thing?

It is our quiet adherence to Christ's teachings and our simple example of God's love that will draw others to Orthodoxy. But arrogance and pride will only make people run in the other direction and then are we not breaking God's commandments?

Katya

[Ekaterina]

Orthodox6:
I hope my words did not offend.

As to an Orthodox person's perspective, rather than an Orthodox perpective, I would say to you as follows.....

I'm not sure that I would have done any differently that you did with your grandmother. And, yes, Peter, I know that it was her grandmother. It is a hard thing to predict and be absolute about.

I have attended many different functions at many different services, but there are some that I will simply not attend.....Jehovah Witness being amongst them. Not because I fear them, but rather because I chose not to put myself in sin's way. Arrogance, Pride, the sin of the Pharisee, etc. There is more that circles in those places than I wish to deal with.

Orthodox6, I understand you made a decision based on what you felt you could allow yourself. I don't however see that this lessened your grief in any way. It certainly should not prevent you from praying for her soul.

I have recently discovered myself the price one pays for family turmoil and family discord. If I could change it I would, but it is something each one of us must deal with on our own. However, our Orthodox brothers and sisters should be offering us a shoulder to cry on, rather than judging our choices.

Katya

[basil]

It seems quite cruel not to comfort heterodox family members when a loved one dies. What is more important love or following a law, which is there to guide us, but should not be held above love, should it? This would be like refusing to accept food offered during a fasting period, just to keep the law of the canons, risking hurting someone. Granted many people completely ignore the canons or justify breaking them for almost any excuse, and this is terrible too. We should strive to follow them as the wise advice of our Chruch Fathers, but above all we love one another.

I had to attend my wife's uncle's Southern Baptist funeral, which I didn't enjoy at all, but I did feel good for being there. I think it was a good witness to them and was appreciated. I just ingnored the prayers or said my own while the minister preached and prayed.

Basil

[Liudmilla]

Orthodox6:

I'm sorry that you encountered such an unfeeling priest. My own priest has never advised something so unfeeling. There are times he has even served panakhida's for a family member in such a position. While technically not "legal" he said he did it because the Orthodox person had a greater need than the non-Orthodox person for whom the prayers were said.

My heart goes out to you.

Milla