A NEW OC JURISDICTION FOR ME

[Nathaniel Kapner]

No everybody, there is nothing at all that could remotely be described as "edifying" or "enlightening" with respect to the "gregory" thread. All is unappetizing, all is darkness, all is gloom, all is groping for the wall.

And groping I continue to do. I grope for someone to understand. I grope for a kind word. I grope for someone to say, "You are for the
Truth Nathaniel, and I stand with you."

I cannot find such a one. I cannot find such a one who can really enter into the hell thatI have been through up until this present moment, with all of gregory's diabolical twistings, slitherings, spinnings, and hissings.

People complain, "We are sick of hearing from you, Nathaniel. You are a lone voice."

Do you think I like this state of affairs? Not one of my so-called friends has found the courage to get on the two lists I have been posting on and echo my *specific indictments of the evil in our midst in the likes of the cult-leader gregory.

You and others believe that gregory should simply be ignored,that "we already know about gregory, Nathaniel, you are not telling us anything new."

Yet for all the "everybody knowing about gregory," he remains alive and well, ravaging and devouring unsuspecting souls, and like a canker worm, eating away any attempts to bring wholeness to the OC scenario.

Abp gregory is the OC Jurisdiction's "accuser of the brethren," and many still, in light of this fact, wish me to just 'love him,' 'pray for him' 'forgive and forget him.'

This is not MY calling in the Orthodox Chtistian's struggle against evil. My battle with evil will continue until I die, that is, if I am truly an Orthodox Christian.

Not that I will be struggling with gregory up until my earthly departure, (for this will be over soon enough), but I am committed to do battle with falsehood, in whatever form it takes in its attacks on Christ's Church both from within and from without,up until I meet my Maker. I hope to hear some day, "Well done, Nathaniel, you have been faithful in little truths, embrace now Me, THE WHOLE TRUTH."

Why isn't any body thanking me who "knows all about gregory." For I
have stopped a secret ordination of Fr George, (Abp gregory's puppet), to the episcopacy, by recently exposing Met Angelos as a pedophile, defrocked by the State Church of Greece?

Do we really need another OC Jurisdiction in the likes of a GOCA/ gregory? (No) thanks to me, it will not happen this October as was defintly planned by gregory and Angelos. And if it does, everybody will be sickened by the fact that a known pedophile, Angelos, had "laid hands" on the head of Fr George.

You all ask why I am not quickly joining another Jurisdiction? I have
been seeking another OC Jurisdiction since July 25th when gregory in
his Protocol # 5-billion, uncanonically 'deposed' and anathamatized me. Do you think that this is an easy and quick thing to do? I trow not.

I have been in two back to back OC cults. First HTM/HOCNA for many
years, and then the last two years with the gregory cult. Do you think I can now all of a sudden be a perfect Orthodox Christian? Why do you expect so much from me?

I *have been seeking a Church family, including inquiring into ROCE, when only yesterday, the gregoryite Fr John Claypool, wrote a private letter(that was immediately sent to me), to the ROCE Official Web site,
makeing vicious slanders against me, to abort any possible reception of my "mentally ill" self into their Jurisdiction. And you wish me to just live a normal life?

It is easy for one on the side lines to bark out coachings to a contender -- but as for me, I have my eyes set on one goal: to win the applause, not of those whose race has been set and the outcome remains unknown, but to those clouds of witnesses of our "new church era," who beginning in 1917, have finished the course, have won the laurels, have kept the Faith unto tortures both mental and physical, have won the Christ-pleasing Title, "The Holy New Martyrs of Russia."

If I can please them, I will have succeeded in being a 'normal' Orthodox Christian.

Sincerly,

Sub Deacon Nathaniel Kapner

[TomS]

I grope for someone to understand. I grope for a kind word. I grope for someone to say, "You are for the
Truth Nathaniel, and I stand with you."

So, when it comes down to it - this is ALL about YOU.

[ElderCleopa]

Nathaniel, I have to say this in love. The pity party isn't working on anyone. The simple fact is that you do nothing else but post on this Gregory. You are obsessed to an unhealthy degree. A thread or two is fine, but this forum alone is full of threads on this issue...redundant threads. People are not upset about what you are doing with exposing Abp. Gregory. They ARE upset about you pursuing the issue to the point of being consumed by it and making it the only nuance of your life. So, this thread is pointless. Please, try to live your life and get over this issue. He has been exposed, let others handle it from here.

[joasia]

And groping I continue to do. I grope for someone to understand. I grope for a kind word. I grope for someone to say, "You are for the Truth Nathaniel, and I stand with you."

You seek recognition from man(the world). This is certainly not the state of mind of a monk. Maybe you should read the lives of holy monastics to get an understanding of what it means to be a monk.

I cannot find such a one who can really enter into the hell thatI have been through up until this present moment, with all of gregory's diabolical twistings, slitherings, spinnings, and hissings.

We ALL have our own struggles to deal with. We don't go crying and COMPLAINING about them, we seek spiritual advice to help us through them. YOU want justification. I'll let you in on a little secret....there is no glory in God when we seek justification for our sufferings, there is only justification in God when we do His Will. Read the Bible and you will see how God wants us to be.

Abp gregory is the OC Jurisdiction's "accuser of the brethren," and many still, in light of this fact, wish me to just 'love him,' 'pray for him' 'forgive and forget him.'

God teaches us that it's easy to love our family and friends, but it's more important to love our enemies..because He is teaching us the true meaning of love, because to love your enemy means to feel compassion for them and that can only be done when a person is truly humble. But you have no idea what that means.

This is not MY calling in the Orthodox Chtistian's struggle against evil. My battle with evil will continue until I die, that is, if I am truly an Orthodox Christian.

It sounds, to me, like you have deep psychological problems.

Why isn't any body thanking me who "knows all about gregory".

You're still seeking recognition....face it...you don't deserve it.

I have been in two back to back OC cults.

This makes me wonder about your mental credibility. There is a certain type of psyche specific to people who join cults and you have joined two. I think you need ALOT of spiritual conselling.

I *have been seeking a Church family, including inquiring into ROCE, when only yesterday, the gregoryite Fr John Claypool, wrote a private letter(that was immediately sent to me), to the ROCE Official Web site, makeing vicious slanders against me, to abort any possible reception of my "mentally ill" self into their Jurisdiction. And you wish me to just live a normal life?

From everything you've written here, I think that you have brought this on yourself. You're looking less credible every minute...especially with the way you express yourself and your need for recognition.

We've done alot of arguing here(amongst the regular posters), over topics, but I've never seen anyone as being mentally unstable...we just have different views. But, this is the first time that I feel that a poster is mentally unstable.

but as for me, I have my eyes set on one goal: to win the applause,

I'm no monastic, but I thought that the goal of all Christians, especially a monk, is to attain the Holy Spirit...to acheive the state of theosis and fotisis. YOU are far from that.

... not of those whose race has been set and the outcome remains unknown, but to those clouds of witnesses of our "new church era," who beginning in 1917,

What's this "new church era" business? There is nothing new about Orthodoxy. What are you trying to do?? Start your own cult??

... have finished the course, have won the laurels, have kept the Faith unto tortures both mental and physical, have won the Christ-pleasing Title, "The Holy New Martyrs of Russia."

The true martyrs of the Orthodox faith NEVER complained. You want recognition of the world(from man). There are stories about monks who had fallen into prelest. You are a very spiritually sick man...get help.

[Nikodemus]

Dear Brother Nathanael

I hope you will read this, because I speak from my heart to you, as an orthodox christian. I fully understand your deep need for recognition because of your traumatic experience. But you have reached climax of this trauma and now you must collect your self and go on with your monastic call. This should be your first priority right now, and rebuilding your spiritual life in a monastery. Find a Igumen that you can trust and obey him in everything but sin. Stop focusing on the external sides of the faith (jurisdictions, Ab Gregory etc) and look for some time only on your relationship with God.

I repeat: Find a Igumen you can trust and obey him in everything but sin.

Yours in XP

Nikodem

[romiosini]

Nathaniel. One suggestion, turn to the Athonite Monasteries closest to you, if you are looking for spiritual confort. Or head to Arizona, at Saint Anthony's Monastery, to meet the Elder Ephraim the disciple of the Holy Elder Joseph the Hesychast, he is a guaranteed help.

I demand from the Moderators that these disturbing posts of Nathaniel, a grown and an alleged mature man, to stop. We got this man's point allready.

[chrsstms]

Greetings, Nathaniel!

As one who also had entered a monastery and was hastily shown the door in less than understandable circumstances [at the very least!], I can appreciate your pain. It is a trauma with its roots very deep within the core of your very being, and its tears are not soon dried, its wounds not easily bandaged, its agonies not easily overcome. I have known 2 such people - myself, and a hieromonk that shall go unnamed.

Both of us returned to our parents homes, and wept and wept and wept. We understood the pain of Peter at his betrayal of our Lord, we felt it keenly, and gnashed our teeth and tore our robes as did he.

But the differences soon showed. He, coming to his senses, fell down at the feet of His Mother, by fleeing to Mount Athos, exchanging the tears and pain of self-pity, to those of repentence. He died a good monk on the night of the Dormition of the Theotokos.

As for myself, I wallowed in that self-pity for so long, that I fled my father's house in order to wallow with pigs.

Part of monasticism, and dare I say the most important part, is TOTAL obedience. I felt slighted, too, as my Obedience was less than perfect, but the Idea of monasticism is not to wear robes and hang out with others in robes and not to have to worry about bills, whether your teeth are straight and pearly white, or that unsightly halitosis. The Idea of monasticism is to give up the thing that we value the most, but causes us the most sin: the Will. If you study monasticism for any length of time, you will soon enough note Elders have imposed all sorts of obediences on their charges that would have the police doing a Waco-style break-in in no time at all. One monk was abandoned in a hut in the fields with no food, and was forced to eat horseradish whole from the ground. St Antony the Great let an old man (I believe it was St Paul) camp out at his doorstep in the scorching heat and frigid nights of the desert without food or water, before he let him in to eat. There are many such stories, over and over again.

The 'wronged' monk was Glorified not because he uncovered his Father's nakedness in the city square or on the front page of a newspaper or on an internet discussion group. The monk was Glorified before God, the Angels, and man because HE TRUSTED IN GOD'S WILL FOR HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL - more than bodily comfort, hunger, lust, self-will, or a prostrate monk asking forgiveness but not having access to the script you demanded he follow.

I say this in the strongest way possible: the monastic life, if entered for the proper reasons, is for LIFE, indeed FOREVER. Fleeing your father's house will only bring weeping and gnashing of teeth, and the last state shall be worse than the first. I KNOW this firsthand.

I attest the foregoing to be true and correct.

the former Novice Chrysostomos

P.S.
My favorite monastic story, but of which I have sadly forgotten the reference to, goes somewhat like this:
A popular Schemamonk Elder and a lowly novice died on the same day. The novice had left the monastery to get drunk, to have sex, etc., etc., and so he remained a novice for many years (I believe it was about 20). At any rate, they were buried side by side.
As is the custom in Greece due to the lack of land for burials, the bodies were disinterred after 3 years time. And, lo and behold! The robes of the Great Schema were on the novice, and the great Elder wore the simple clothes of a novice! In trembling at the mystery, the Abbot ordered the robes replaced to their proper bodies, and they were re-buried. The next year, on the same day, the bodies were again disinterred. Again, the robes were switched! Clearly troubled, but with trepidation the robes were yet again put back on the proper bodies. (I am assuming that both bodies were incorrupt, it would be tricky at best to remove and replace robes from bones.)
But the abbott was sore troubled and begged our Lord every night during his prayer rule to reveal this perplexing mystery. One night, in a dream, the abbot saw Paradise, where the novice, brightly shining and wearing the Great Schema came to greet him. The abbot asked him the meaning of this and was told something to the effect of:
On this earth, I was a great sinner, disobedient and recalictrant, wallowing in evil. But I judged no man, and returned in repentance and faithfully followed every obedience I was given. The Elder was filled with pride, and had an opinion of all the monks. And yet I obeyed him in everything.

The moral of the story is that the Elder is literally the Icon of Christ to those he is responsible before God for. He is to be obeyed just like Christ. This does not mean worship of him, for he is a fallen man like yourself. But this is not understood at all by modern man. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God, indeed.

By the way, this does not necessarily mean you should return to Gregory, I mean come on! What in this man DOESN'T scream out Vagante!? His wealth? His beautiful monastery filled with dead men's bones? Weep before God, in your closet, and NOT before man, for your haughtiness that put you in this predicament in the first place.

Chrys