Birth Control

[Theodora Elizabeth]

My conservative Antiochian priest even admonishes couples in wedding sermons that they better try for a baby from the start! I am very glad to know that (to my knowledge, having been told personally by the couples) that two of the four couples getting married in my parish this summer are planning on trying for a baby right away.

My priest thinks NFP only is okay - after the fifth child or so!

But this is from a 35 year old single woman with no children of her own (and not by choice).

God bless,
Theodora Elizabeth

[Theodora Elizabeth]

I've done some rethinking on my position about NFP. I'm beginning to see that nothing should be used! Of course, NFP is better than other forms of "birth control" but still...

What got me thinking about this is a discussion on an NFP group I'm part of. A young couple, married for nine months (both are a year out of college) are using NFP to postpone having a child for two or three years. It seems the reason is to be more "established." Whether this pertains to professionally being more established or financially (having a house, etc.), I am not sure.

This is really a huge pet peeve of mine. We're supposed to trust the Lord with everything, but not with when and how many children? Seems most people are basing things on their "convenience," not God's timing. What many people are not aware of, is that exclusively breastfeeding can often space children approximately two years apart (of course, some women do get their fertility back sooner after child birth). Who said that having a house was a necessity for having children? I can't tell you how many couples in my parish are raising their first several children in an apartment, as buying is so expensive in Chicago. One couple in their mid-50s raised SIX children in a three-bedroom city apartment. Their youngest is now 13-14.

I currently practice a form of NFP charting for health reasons (endometriosis), and when I DO get married, I will be using it to GET pregnant. For subfertile couples, NFP can often be a way to maximize their fertility, a way that doesn't resort to expensive or immoral methods (IVF, etc.).

I think the "birth control" mentality is closely related to that of the "daycare" mentality. How often couples want one child of each sex and no more. I'd bet these are often the same couples who want everything materially, and mom works as the parents don't want to make any financial sacrifices to make sure mom is at home with the children. I can't think of anything more stressful! I've seen too many families try to "have it all" with mom working and everyone is always so strung out and stressful as they run, run, run, all the time. Doesn't work, in my opinion.

Theodora Elizabeth

[sue57]

Theodora Elizabeth,
I know this is an old post, but I just read it. What is your priest's opinion of people who marry, and because of health reasons are not able to have children? This just makes me sad. There are so many things that are between the individual and their spiritual father.

I think I may take a break from this board for a while. There are a lot of very cool, very nice and helpful people here. I'm just starting to feel that I'm too "weird" for ROCOR. I love the Church. I want to continue in it, by all means, but I'm never going to be driving up to church in my SUV with five kids under ten. It would be great, but it's not in my future. God chose for my life to not include children. A few years ago, I wanted to marry someone because they already had a child, and I wanted that so badly. I won't go into all my health reasons here, but I hope no one judges me for being an unmarried woman, who probably will not have children.
I'm just going to include a little story: A few weeks ago, I drove up to the church for my catechumen class. There was a woman walking in the road, and I had to go around her. When I got out of my car, she called to me and asked me if our priest was still at the church. You could tell that she had some problems, for one thing, she had a live kitty cat in her backpack (!), and she seemed confused. I went in and told Father that there was a woman outside looking for him. He asked me where she was outside, and if she seemed troubled. He went outside and spoke to her, and came back into the church. He said that this person was moving again, and needed help, and were there any strong guys in our class would like to help Father move this woman? I think that this woman was a person who had some mental difficulties and needed help. To me, this was the absoulute best "adverstisement" for Orthodoxy that I could have seen. If Othodoxy is the true faith, it has to be able to accept all who come to it in sincerity and faith.

[TomS]

Sues57 -

Who cares what people on this board think? Don't let someone else's judgement of you affect you. People here don't know any better that you how you should live the Faith - because it is different for each of us.

The only opinion you should care about is what is in your heart and what your Priest recommends to you.

Everyone else's opinion is not worth 2 cents!

[joasia]

Sue57,

Marriage and children are not destined for every woman. It's what we do with our souls that counts. After all, you are still God's child. Your soul is still of value. And you don't need a child to make yourself valuable to God.

It's society that creates this mentality. And I don't believe that anyone on this board would judge a woman for not being married and not having children.

I'm not married and have no children, but I have alot to live about. I still have to worry about my soul.

[ania]

As far as being single woman & Orthodox... I decided a long time ago if I'm not married by the time I'm 30 (have a ways to go yet, but time does fly) I will be adopting. There are a lot more kids out there who need care & love, and if we can't have our own kids, I think it's our duty to help them (if we're maternally inclined, of course).

[Natasha]

Maybe ania can add something to this but I grew up in the Orthodox Church & it was stressed to me from a very young age that a woman should strive to either get married and have children, or become a nun. I can vividly remember my shock at being told this quite plainly when I was about 9 years old.
When my husband and I got married over four years ago the first thing the Priest said to me when the ceremony was over was that I need to always obey my husband (my husband translated that to me with a big grin on his face).

I guess my point is that a lot of what we believe in would be considered very politically incorrect. However, I don't think that any woman who doesn't fall into category A or B should be condemned because life can't always be so cut and dry.

Oh-and after the Priest told me that, he told my husband to love & care for me just as he would love himself and to always treat me well, so it didn't seem so one-sided to me .