How to Deal with Having Gone Through The Sin Of Lust and The Sin For the Millstone Around Your Neck?

[Lazarún Zalónir]

So i was raised by an abusive mother and she did God-knows what infront of me.
STORY DELETED BY MODERATOR
thats all, thank you.

[Lazarún Zalónir]

perhaps this was a mistake to write

[Theodore813]

So i was raised by an abusive mother and she did God-knows what infront of me.
DELETED BY MODERATOR- ALSO, THIS IS GOOD ADVICE THEODORE

thats all, thank you.

Get in contact with a spiritual father (priest) and talk about these things, not in the internet.

[Lazarún Zalónir]

So i was raised by an abusive mother and she did God-knows what infront of me.
DELETED
thats all, thank you.

Get in contact with a spiritual father (priest) and talk about these things, not in the internet.

It might be the case that the time is not come, it is to come later when the members of the clergy arrive in the Land of North, i must remain vigilant and resist the tubes of you, i talked to Fr Tikhon to get the RTOC or ERHTOC Or UHRTOC to Norway and they are slowly working things out.

Glory To God and have mercy on me for writing this public confesion, i don't see myself as a type of Justin Martyr if thats what some people think.

Amen.

[Barbara]

I didn't even understand most of that impromptu confession, but what is the "Sin for the Millstone Around Your Neck" in the thread's title ?

Don't worry, everything will work out just right.

Here is an example from Optina Monastery's past days of spiritual glory.

I had to go to the bank today. Though usually there is a short line at worst, I decided to take in my copy of Elder Nikon of Optina to read in case i had to wait even a minute.

Sure enough there were so many people ahead of me. Then when a teller did get to me, she had to wait on the drive-through at the same time, so she was by far the slowest of all of them. Thus, I had ample time to open at random to a passage in the book and read it thru.

This is meant to encourage you, Ezekiel Lazar.

It was the story of what happened to Ivan Belyaev, the younger brother of Elder Nikon. Ivan left Optina, 1st for Mt Athos. There, he hated it because they didn't have the Russian style of anything. He left "Afon" eventually and returned to Russia. But though he was nostalgic about the Optina life, he couldn't manage to stay there.

World War I came and Ivan went to the front. There, he met a woman and married her. However, she seems to have been an atheist and perhaps Ivan lost his faith too through being around her.

Lot of problems ensued for the two [though that was not uncommon for the early decades of Communism in Russia ].

Finally the wife, Nadya, got sick and somehow caused Ivan extra trouble for a number of years. It was not specified why but maybe her personality changed. After she reposed, Ivan began to recover his faith.

He got in touch with his brother's spiritual children and felt SUCH remorse for ever having left them at all. For he had been so rude as to cut off contact with Elder Nikon and the Optina remnants living in Kaluga and elsewhere for a total of 40 years !

Ivan stated in his letter to the spiritual children that he HAD offered repentance for his sins to God, and that he so deeply regretted the waste of time while he meandered through the dark realms.

This is all what struck me as similar to you, Ezekiel.

The point is, Ivan got on the right track only at a very advanced age. But you are likely young and now are able to use the rest of your life in a good way, since you came to the TOC's rather than just anybody.
That shows discernment, so not all is lost !

Plus you knew about Archangel Michael's importance in removing demons from people, so you are on a better track already !
Keep praying to Archangel Michael. Even consider keeping a sharp object like a vintage sword near you at all times, because devils are terrified of sharp weapons like that. They are not afraid of very much in the human realm, but that's one thing that makes them flee in abject terror.

Why is that ? Because they experience acute pain if a sharp dagger or such were to slice thru them !
Thus the presence of a sword or khanjar or even a kitchen knife [!] will keep them away from you out of fear.

I know it sounds crazy, but a hieromonk [monk-priest] originally from Siberia told me that his Orthodox mother had told him this very same remedy to get rid of the demons preying upon a person.
So it's not out of the realm of possibility. I assume it was a folk remedy handed down through the generations. These usually have merit, or at least have some basis in truth.

Why not give it a try ?
It sounds like the RTOC is doing their best to help you, too, so that's a great cause for encouragement ! Good choice, by the way !

To finish the story about the bank, I was so engrossed in this narrative of Ivan Belyaev's sorry life after departing from being a novice at Optina that I barely noticed that I was the last person in the now-empty bank when the teller finally got around to helping me !

The fact that Ivan turned his life around 180 degrees is a little sign for you, i could imagine.
I have never once thought of taking a book into a bank, and this Optina Elder series volume was just looking at me, demanding i take it along !
This may well be why.

Let us know how you do in this struggle -

[Lazarún Zalónir]

Thank you dear Barbara, but i live with the grudge of constantly being called a pedophile because of what happened, i thank you for what you said and ill take it to heart and the millstone sin is pedophilia.

Oh Lord Have Mercy on my wretched soul.

[Barbara]

You will overcome this, despite how grievous it is.
Don't worry but :

1. dump the Western drugs [so called medication]
   That includes coffee, if you drink that which I bet you may, because it's Western society's rampant "Solution" to a whole host of problems.
   Coffee is a drug, however, there is no getting around that unpleasant fact.
   Why not switch over to 1st, Chinese Pu-Erh blac tea which is heavy but has many purifying properties. Where coffee just debilitates you, wipes out your entire adrenal system, which control energy levels and countless other vital factors.
   Try to find this in Organic, if they have it available anywhere.
   Don't use tea bags except when traveling [if you do go visit fjords or whatever]
   Use the bulk kind that can be purchased at fine tea websites.
   Then slowly get yourself off of that, and toward herbs which will nourish you instead of tear you apart the way devils operate. They just destroy the person while letting the target victim think that they are doing well, fitting in with others, etc.

2. Dump the psychologist IMMEDIATELY ! You are wasting so much MORE money on that useless person ! They don't help at all and usually can even HARM their patients by imposing their own wrong ideas. They are NOT spiritually even remotely [some think they are by practicing Jungian psychology but that is NOT spiritual]

Instead, read - as was hinted by someone in Heaven who picked out that book for me yesterday - Optina Elders' Lives ! There is a great series from St Herman of Alaska Press in Platina CA that can be ordered online.
There are many cases told about of people with seemingly hopeless addictions who were cured by for example Elder Amvrosy [Ambrose], who reposed in 1891.

Thanks for explaining that about the milestone around the neck sin. I understand better. Dare i ask what a loli [lowly ?] sin might be ? It's useful only to know what is tempting people today on the internet.

Oh also, you mean you PAY money to view whatever this gross stuff is ?
It's a money making operation, then ? Is that why you called yourself gullible. Well vow to God that you will devote funds in the future to the building of a TOC mission in your town, or other similar worthy financial purpose.

Is your mother still alive ? What happened to your father, you didn't mention him ?