The Saint Euphrosynos Cafe

Is this natural and normal, or is the age gap too much? I met a woman at my parish and I think I may be falling for her. She's nice, kind, sophisticated, classy, faithfully Orthodox, and from a physical standpoint, she is very beautiful. She has this British accent that drives me wild for some reason. She's the only woman I've ever met that I think has won my heart over, as usually I'm somewhat of a hermit who fantasizes over monasticism. But, she's 22 years old and I'm 17 (however, I'll be 18 in February). Is the age gap between us too much or is it weird? I know that modern society would look down on this age gap, but from an Orthodox standpoint, I don't know if it's acceptable or taboo or not. I don't think my parents would mind, my mom might not like the thought of me being with a woman at all (she's kind of overprotective and still sees me as a baby) but, she'd get used to it. And if she does, then I could just wait until I'm 18. I know I'm mature for my age too. I don't go to parties or spend money on stuff I don't need or smoke or drink. I only read, save up my money, work, babysit my siblings all the time and do chores. Thoughts?

Honestly, I don't think age gap is that important as long as people love one another. Since female life expectancy is higher, many old ladies live in loneliness after the death of their husband for a very long time, which is not so easy; so an older wife is not necessarily a problem. However, as a 22 y.o man, I saw 17 y.o girls as immature children (mentally speaking), which they are really in general. I guess a 22 y.o girl may seem a 17 y.o boy in the same way.

What really counts for orthodox is the spiritual aspect. Is it the good person to create a small church, which is the purpose of marriage? Does she fast, does she pray, is she a Sunday-christian only etc. These are the questions.

Very good response, Jean-Serge!

Additionally, here in the USA, the 22 year old female could have legal problems if she saw you without chaperones before you reached the age of 18.

Well, James R, have you had a chance to meet with her, with or without those chaperones mentioned helpfully by Maria ?!

Let's hear more !

I always love a good romance. Have you spoken with her in person yet ?
Does she care for you or show interest ?

The age gap is not a problem. Only at the tender age that you are now.
Later in life, these gaps fade away into insignificance. Only in junior high and high school do they seem to matter.

Maybe your path IS for marriage after all then !
Second choice would be monasticism.
If you find that this will work really nicely, then why not actively pursue her ?

It does not help to hang back and be passive. This is important !
Too many people do that, then the opportunity passes them by, because of hesitation or reluctance to
put oneself on the line.
HAVE CONFIDENCE, despite your years. That will be guaranteed to impress her.

No one else will tell you this, that's why I am trying to offer helpful advice.
I can see you are indecisive from your previous posts. So, be firm.

Let us know more details. People like to hear, so don't feel shy.

James, please speak with your spiritual father.

Barbara wrote:

Well, James R, have you had a chance to meet with her, with or without those chaperones mentioned helpfully by Maria ?!

Only a couple times at coffee hour we've sat together and I've talked with her. We haven't done anything together anywhere yet though. I asked my mom if she minded me potentially being with an older woman and she said that she doesn't mind, although she doesn't recommend it until I'm a bit older.

Let's hear more !

Well, she's 22, a Russian, talks with a British accent (which drives me wild for some reason), she's sophisticated and classy, the only woman who's ever interested me and caught my attention in a way that isn't purely carnal or vain. I think about her all of the time, have dreams about her, daydream about her. I've never had this happen before, so it's all new to me.

Have you spoken with her in person yet ? Does she care for you or show interest ?

I've talked to her a few times over coffee hour and always attempt to stand next to her when space is available. I can't tell if she is interested or not yet. Right now we've only exchanged casual conversation.

The age gap is not a problem. Only at the tender age that you are now.

That's what my mother said

Later in life, these gaps fade away into insignificance. Only in junior high and high school do they seem to matter.

Well, I am graduating this December, a bit earlier than my peers.

Maybe your path IS for marriage after all then !
Second choice would be monasticism.
If you find that this will work really nicely, then why not actively pursue her ?

I guess because I do not know how. I've never "pursued" a woman before, nor do I know how to or what to do. I want to though. Part of me however is saying to at least wait until I graduate by the end of this year, since she might be hesitate to be in a relationship with a high school student.

It does not help to hang back and be passive. This is important !
Too many people do that, then the opportunity passes them by, because of hesitation or reluctance to
put oneself on the line.

Thank you I'll remember that.

HAVE CONFIDENCE, despite your years. That will be guaranteed to impress her.

Thank you I'll try. I have trouble though because I'm a very introverted person.

Maria wrote:

James, please speak with your spiritual father.

Okay I'll bring it up at my next Confession