Finding a true orthodox spouse

[Matthew]

Barbara, have you put together your systematic and practical advice or plan on steps to finding a TOC spouse? Your last response didnt seem to be a the full response to the question you where getting ready to reveal...

[Barbara]

Hi Icxypion [when you do return to fill us in about the Beards, Part III ! ]
and anyone else interested in hearing some thoughts.

I wrote that I would first tell what NOT to do.

I was putting together in my mind some guidelines, but got deterred onto other topics these months. But I never forget a promise !

I WILL write more as well.
For now, though, because the topic interests me,
I looked at this video and immediately wanted to post it for all of us who are buried in our books, or services and don't have time to get out there
and find out what's going on in today's society in North America. This specifically includes Canada,
as one can see by the video's tale.

It's a very SHORT synopsis of a path commonly found today, where people move around so much that it is easy to
arrive at a new community and fool people into trusting one. Most of us, especially Christians, are raised to TRUST
and see the BEST in people. If flaws show up, one MUST overlook them and pardon them.

This is right in principle.
However ! In terms of meeting new people - whether spouse prospects or even selecting a professional of any type,
one needs to thoroughly check them out. We can see this case as a prototype.

By the way, does anyone have a clue where the last name of the man derives from ? Is it Central European ?

http://screen.yahoo.com/team-reveals-hu ... 00312.html

[JamesR]

I imagine knowing the people in your parish is probably your best bet. Chances are you won't meet very many Orthodox people in your life--let alone Traditionalists--so your best bet is probably attending every single Church service and event that your fellow parishioners invite you to in hopes of meeting someone. Perhaps you could get lucky and be introduced to an Orthodox niece or grand-daughter or something, in which a romance could blossom.

I've never been big on marriage, but since I met that 22 year old woman, I've considered it more. I pray to God to bring the right woman into my life because I'm not very good with them. Plus, it's a bit embarrassing, but I could easily be taken advantage of and manipulated by an attractive woman. I only ask God for two things about a wife: that she be physically beautiful and that she be faithful. Everything else I would be willing to work with. I don't even care if she has a bad personality; they don't call marriage martyrdom for nothing.

[Barbara]

Oh James ! You are OF COURSE right to ask for the 2 qualities.
Faithfulness is absolutely integral to the character of the person to become your spouse.
A faithful woman will be a good example for everyone, but especially will give the love and attention to you, her husband,
and not stray.

You know, I don't get out much at all. But I HAVE picked up that people "cheat" as i guess it's popularly called, ALL the time.
And women much more than they ever did in the past.
Apparently, it's rampant today, and women, nor men, are even ASHAMED !
I am mentioning this for all readers, to help them be alert to THIS problem.
Even priests may not fully grasp the extent of this in North American society. Probably their parishioners are
on a better scale than the average.

That knowledge makes me feel that you are smart to seek faithfulness as Numero Uno or Dos.
You are entitled to want a pretty wife, don't feel bad about that at all.

But : my recommendation is that you not be complaisant about a bad personality because that could drive you crazy.
You can't see it from here, this side of marriage.
But a nasty wife, or a yelling wife, or a short-tempered wife,
or one of the worst, a moody wife, would be REALLY tough to deal with.
You might regret your choice.

Why not ask God for ALL of the qualities ? Nothing is impossible with God.

Why do you think, by the way, that a woman could manipulate you ? I mean in what way ?
What would be the danger ?
Can you give examples ?
We will try to reassure you.

[JamesR]

Why do you think, by the way, that a woman could manipulate you ? I mean in what way ?
What would be the danger ?
Can you give examples ?
We will try to reassure you.

I mean like with money and possibly doing stupid things I shouldn't do. For example, I haven't dated much, but on one of the occasions I did, I ended up spending $150 in one night on her because she was pretty. I imagine this could become a big problem as an adult when I have bills and stuff to pay, and doing something stupid like this could put me in debt or cause me to lose my home.

[joasia]

James,

It's apparent that monastism is not for you. But, first you should concentrate on graduating from High School. Focus on your Orthodox faith and let it fall into place.

[maximus]

This is a topic I find very interested...

On December 7th of last year, I became engaged to a wonderful woman. I am an Orthodox Christian. She is not. However, her intentions, and her actions have shown me that she is open to the Faith. She is in communication with my priest and appears open to baptism. She still has quite a lot to learn, but God willing she will keep progressing...

We live states-apart. Oftentimes, she assists me in my spiritual struggles, encouraging me when I fall into despair and despondency... She seems to exhibit more Christian virtue than I do and she's not even baptized. I hope that she is never like me but remains as she is: kind, patient, and forgiving. It's funny - she admires St. Xenia of St. Petersburg, who had such a concern for the soul of her husband.

I know that I can never marry her unless she comes into the Faith. And it is a balancing act sometimes trying to push her towards God without shoving; without becoming the reason to be baptized. God forbid she become baptized for MY sake. I would rather be alone.

My priest has considered this relationship to be beneficial for me. What are your thoughts?