For Consideration
Why is so much said and written about the sufferings of holy men and women? Because these saints are counted as victors - and how can there be victory without struggle, pain and suffering? In ordinary, earthly warfare no man is reckoned as victorious and heroic who has never been to battle, who has not endured and suffered to a very considerable extent. All the more is this so in spiritual warfare, where the truth is clear and self-assertion is not only of no use but is a real hindrance. He who knows no struggle for the sake of Christ, either with the world or with the devil or with his own self - how can he be counted among Christ's soldiers? How, indeed, among Christ's fellow-victors? St. Mary of Egypt spoke of this gigantic struggle to the elder St. Zossima: 'For the first seventeen years in this wilderness, I struggled with my mindless passions as with fierce beasts. I wanted to eat meat and fish, which I had eaten abundantly in Egypt. I wanted to drink wine and did not even have water here. I wanted to hear lustful songs. And I wept and smote my breast. I prayed to the most pure Mother of God to remove these thoughts from me. When I had wept enough and done enough smiting of my breast, I then saw a light that flooded over me from all sides, and was filled with a wonderful peace.'
The Prologue from Ochrid Vol. 2, p.4
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The more extensive quote from the life of St. Mary of Egypt by St. Sophornius reads thus:
"Believe me, Abba, seventeen years I passed in this desert fighting wild beasts -- mad desires and passions. When I was about to partake of food, I used to begin to regret the meat and fish of which I had so much in Egypt. I regretted also not having wine which I loved so much, for I drank a lot of wine when I lived in the world, while here I had not even water. I used to burn and succumb with thirst. The mad desire for profligate songs also entered me and confused me greatly, edging me on to sing satanic songs which I had learned once. But when such desires entered me I struck myself on the breast and reminded myself of the vow which I had made, when going into the desert. In my thoughts I returned to the icon of the Mother of God which had received me and to her I cried in prayer. I implored her to chase away the thoughts to which my miserable soul was succumbing. And after weeping for long and beating my breast I used to see light at last which seemed to shine on me from everywhere. And after the violent storm, lasting calm descended.
And how can I tell you about the thoughts which urged me on to fornication, how can I express them to you, Abba? A fire was kindled in my miserable heart which seemed to burn me up completely and to awake in me a thirst for embraces. As soon as this craving came to me, I flung myself on the earth and watered it with my tears, as if I saw before me my witness, who had appeared to me in my disobedience, and who seemed to threaten punishment for the crime. And I did not rise from the ground (sometimes I lay thus prostrate for a day and a night) until a calm and sweet light descended and enlightened me and chased away the thoughts that possessed me. But always I turned to the eyes of my mind to my Protectress, asking her to extend help to one who was sinking fast in the waves of the desert. And I always had her as my Helper and the Accepter of my repentance. And thus I lived for seventeen years amid constant dangers. And since then even till now the Mother of God helps me in everything and leads me as it were by the hand."
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