Bad Joke

Non-political secular news and anything else (within the boundaries of Christian morality and good taste) that is not on-topic in any other section. Any politically charged material must be posted in the private Controversial Political and Social Issues forum; please PM admin for access.

Moderators: Maria, phpBB2 - Administrators

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3268
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Sat 20 August 2016 4:09 am

Cute ! I like the part about ' to make an octopus laugh ' especially. The very idea !
The rest is a clever play on the words.

I never have any jokes to convey. But I appreciate everyone else's !

User avatar
Maria
Archon
Posts: 7604
Joined: Sat 12 June 2004 12:39 am
Faith: True Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: GOC
Location: USA

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Maria » Sat 16 December 2017 7:07 pm

Here is one of those St. Peter at the Gates jokes.

A young couple were on their way to the courthouse to get married
when they got involved in a fatal accident. They immediately found
themselves on a cloudy pathway leading to pearly gates with St. Peter
coming out to greet them.

They hesitated and asked him if they could have some time first to
think about this because it was all so sudden.

St. Peter said, "Sure, how much time would you like?"

They replied, "We want to think about getting married in heaven,
since that's what we were just about to do when 'it' happened."

St. Peter held his clipboard in his left hand and scratched his chin
with his right, saying, "I'm not really sure if you can GET married in
heaven."

The couple looked at each other, and the young man blurted out,
"Well -- could you ask someone inside whether it's possible?"

St. Peter: "Okay, I'll go see if I can find anyone. Just you two wait
right here." He jabbed his clipboard downward toward the cloud.

The couple replied, "Okay, we'd like a few minutes anyway to talk."

THREE WEEKS LATER........

St. Peter returns, disheveled, bags under his eyes, clip board in hand:
"All right. I found someone," catching his breath,
"Yes, you can get married in heaven."

"Hmm...," the young couple said in unison, looking into each other's
eyes. "We had plenty of time to discuss this, so while you were away,
we began to wonder, what if it doesn't work out later on, would we be
able to get a divorce in heaven too?"

St. Peter abruptly paused his breath then started to hyperventilate,
threw his clipboard down on the cloudy surface and cried, "It just
took me THREE WEEKS to find a PRIEST in there -- Do you have
any idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?!

+ + + + +

This reminds me of Dante's Inferno:
The streets in Hell are paved with the skulls of priests,
while the lampposts are the bishops.

I don't think Dante mentioned lawyers.
Anyone recall?

Lord have mercy! I just remembered:
Bishops are canon lawyers.
Look at the mess bishops have created within the
Roman Catholic Church since 800 A.D.
No wonder Dante was so unpopular with the Vatican.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3268
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Sun 17 December 2017 11:13 pm

Instead of thinking darkly about divorce - though I know it's only a joke - this pair should have instead pondered whether or not they were ejected from their earthly lives due to the intention to marry in a - - courthouse !

Maybe God was displeased with their idea and did NOT provide protection for them. Why not in a beautiful Cathedral ? I bet these 2 would have been safe and sound today had they taken THAT route.

Image
I searched for an image of Russian Cathedrals and felt something about this one, though the façade is not extraordinary. The metal towers are not really attractive. Perhaps it was a converted Catholic Church ? I clicked on the image anyway.
It turned out to be the Cathedral of St Nicholas [ feast day coming up shortly ! ] in -- Sremski Karlovci, where the anti-Communist Russian Church Outside of Russia got set up. I wonder whether the early ROCOR hierarchs worshipped HERE - or elsewhere ? This is in what was at the time Yugoslavia.


User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3268
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Mon 18 December 2017 1:51 am

We should not forget that MANY Saints were if not practicing attorneys, at least law students or law school graduates. We need look no farther than St John Maximovitch, for example.

Attorneys of past ages were not wicked. It is the modern American system which lends itself to so much corruption, greed and propensity to tell lies. Add that sorry mix to the heavy possession by demons of a sizeable percentage of the population due to watching horror movies and all the other deleterious things that invite demons to take one over, and one can learn why the character of lawyers has slid sharply downhill.
All lawyers I have known of my parents generation were not only reputable but had integrity and would never think of using underhanded tactics as became so common in my own generation. Far worse in younger generations. Those of my parents' generation were sincere and made their best efforts to help each client, whether corporation or individual. People entered law in that period as a way to help others resolve legal problems, not as a quick scheme to rake in tons of money as seems universal in American law today. There is a class difference involved here which plays a major factor, too.

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3268
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Wed 20 December 2017 4:31 am

Maria, wasn't that quotation originally from St John Chrysostom ? Perhaps Dante was quoting from the great Church Father [ of both East and West, so the Italian poet must have heard of St John Chrysostom ] ?

Meanwhile, Happy St Nicholas Day to all. I like that icon of the Saint on the façade of the Sremski Karlovci Church.

User avatar
Maria
Archon
Posts: 7604
Joined: Sat 12 June 2004 12:39 am
Faith: True Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: GOC
Location: USA

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Maria » Wed 20 December 2017 7:03 am

Barbara wrote:Maria, wasn't that quotation originally from St John Chrysostom ? Perhaps Dante was quoting from the great Church Father [ of both East and West, so the Italian poet must have heard of St John Chrysostom ] ?

Meanwhile, Happy St Nicholas Day to all. I like that icon of the Saint on the façade of the Sremski Karlovci Church.


Most likely, Dante was recalling St. John Chrysostom. Writers at that time did not have the strict copyright laws we have today.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3268
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Sat 30 December 2017 3:54 am

Christmas season corny joke I saw today on a placard :

Question : What is Santa Claus' nationality ?

Answer : North Polish


Return to “Miscellaneous Issues”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests