Bad Joke

Non-political secular news and anything else (within the boundaries of Christian morality and good taste) that is not on-topic in any other section. Any politically charged material must be posted in the private Political and Social Issues forum; please PM admin for access. All Forum Rules apply. No polemics. No heated discussions. No name-calling.

Moderators: Maria, phpBB2 - Administrators

User avatar
Luke
Member
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon 18 January 2016 3:25 am
Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Metropolis of San Francisco

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Luke » Tue 6 February 2018 8:45 pm

The oldest sport in the world is baseball. We know that because Genesis 1:1 starts out with, "In the big inning."

User avatar
Maria
Archon
Posts: 8016
Joined: Sat 12 June 2004 12:39 am
Faith: True Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: GOC
Location: USA

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Maria » Wed 7 February 2018 6:18 am

Groan. That is about as bad as He brews (coffee).

Now whenever we must read a passage from Hebrews, it takes all my strength not to become distracted.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3443
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Tue 24 April 2018 9:03 pm


-- What happened when the frog's car broke down near its pond ?
-- It was toad away.

User avatar
Luke
Member
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon 18 January 2016 3:25 am
Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Metropolis of San Francisco

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Luke » Sat 5 May 2018 6:14 am

May the 4th be with you.

User avatar
Maria
Archon
Posts: 8016
Joined: Sat 12 June 2004 12:39 am
Faith: True Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: GOC
Location: USA

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Maria » Tue 29 May 2018 5:16 am

A friend gave this to me. When you get tired of all those computerized (AI) messages that companies have on their answering service, may this bring a smile on your face.

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

    Thank you for calling Heaven.
    For English, press 1
    For Spanish, press 2
    For French, press 3
    For Greek, press 4
    For Russian, press 5
    For Chinese, press 6
    For Japanese, press 7
    For all other languages, press 8
    To repeat this menu, press 9

    Please select one of the following options:
    Press 1 for prayer requests for the living
    Press 2 for prayer requests for the departed
    Press 3 for thanksgiving
    Press 4 to listen to heavenly chant
    Press 5 for complaints
    Press 6 for all other options
    Press 7 to repeat this menu

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line. If you would like to speak to:

    God the Father, Press 1.
    Jesus Christ, His Son, Press 2
    The Holy Spirit, Press 3
    A canonized saint, Press 4, then spell his name, followed by the pound sign.
    To find a loved one who has recently departed from this earth, Press 5, then enter his social security number followed by the pound sign.

    If you receive a negative response, please hang up and pray fervently as he may be stuck in a Toll House. Wait 40 days and call again. If after 40 days, you still receive a negative response, remember St. Xenia who persisted in praying for her husband for many years until God granted her a vision that he was saved. Prayer is never wasted.

For reservations to Heaven, please enter John 6 53. This will automatically connect you to your nearest Traditional and True Orthodox Church where you can ask the priest about receiving the Holy Mysteries of Baptism, Chrismation, and Holy Communion.

    For Holy Confession, please press 1
    For the Holy Crowning, please press 2
    For the Anointing of the Sick, please press 3
    To discern if you have a vocation to the priesthood or monastery, please press 4
    To repeat this menu, please press 5

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the flat earth versus the global earth, aliens and life on other planets, please wait until you arrive in Heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up, say your daily prayers, and then call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe the Eternal Feast of the Lamb. If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your priest.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.

User avatar
Barbara
Protoposter
Posts: 3443
Joined: Sat 29 September 2012 10:03 pm

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Barbara » Mon 4 June 2018 3:29 am

Very clever ! That did bring a smile and more to my face : a good laugh. The scenario is SO familiar to anyone who has called any corporate office that this creative play on the computerized messages is really funny !

Image
Angel of Great Counsel. Thank Heavens, one can apply directly to such an Angel at any hour of the day or night, rather than have to wait in line for 20 minutes while other 'customers' are being helped !

User avatar
Luke
Member
Posts: 137
Joined: Mon 18 January 2016 3:25 am
Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Metropolis of San Francisco

Re: Bad Joke

Postby Luke » Sat 23 June 2018 5:52 am

I was going to tell a joke about time travel, but none of you liked it.


Return to “Miscellaneous Issues”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests