Returning to the question of how authentic Russian Elders actively intervened in the question of whom their disciples should best marry, as well as in all spheres of life, here is a section from the life of St Feofil of the Kiev Caves to peruse :
"Starets Feofil was so famous in the Kiev region that hardly a single simple, pious, and God-loving person in the area would begin his own affairs without first seeking the advice and direction of the Starets. Rarely would a wedding begin without his blessing. Each person would accept, without question, the word of the Starets, even if it was stern and uncomfortable for the hearer, and they would carry out his advice in exactness, as a prophetic voice from heaven.
A Blessed Marriage
There lived in Kiev a broker, Ivan N. In his youth, when he was serving as a salesman in some store, he had decided to marry. For a long time he searched for the girl of his dreams, and then, at a merchants' convention, his gaze lighted on Liubochka Z. The broker's fate was decided. He would propose to Liubochka. He got dressed in his finest clothing, went to her parents' home and declared his intentions. He received this answer from the girl's mother:
"Our Liubochka is already engaged. Her fiance is the young man Hendrick M. Although he is of the Lutheran faith, we cannot go back on our given word..."
"Oh, my God! But I love your daughter madly!"
"Well, what can be done? It's a pity that you did not speak of this earlier."
The broker was a very intelligent, business-like person, while the German was flighty but rich. Liubochka's parents, hearing the proposal of the broker, gathered their relatives to their home and held a consultation but the majority of them spoke in favour of the German. But before arranging the wedding, they decided to visit Starets Feofil. They brought some rolls, bread, incense, and candles and set out for the cell of the Blessed One. When they arrived, the Starets opened the door for them and welcomed everyone, but, not allowing the visitors to utter a word, he said:
"Ivan, Ivan. Don't dare to give her away to that blockhead Hendrick!"
The parents heeded, Liubochka married the broker and was happy all her life.
Another blessed Marriage
And there was another occasion. The widowed landowner, Fekla Tarasova, had a beautiful young daughter, Anna. Two suitors sought her in marriage. One was handsome, stately, good-natured, and prone to drink and carouse. The other had a small pox scarred face and was sullen, but of gentle and reliable nature. The first lived in Dimievka, a suburb of Kiev, the second, in the little town of Myshelovka. Anna was madly in love with the handsome one but totally indifferent towards the second one and refused point-blank to marry him. Her mother, on the other hand, insisted that she marry the one from Myshelovka.
They set out to Kitayev for the Starets' advice. The Blessed One, saying not a word, gave Anna a yoke with pails and ordered her to bring some water from Dimievka. The maiden fulfilled the order. The Blessed One poured the water into a barrel standing under the drain-pipe and again gave Anna the pails with an order to go to Myshelovka for water this time. The water was brought in half an hour.
"Where was it more difficult to bring it from?" the Starets asked the maiden.
"From Dimievka," Anna answered. "It is far from here, but it is closer to Myshelovka."
"Well remember then. The pails on the shoulder represent your life. If you listen to your mother and marry the one from Myshelovka, then your life will be light. But if you marry the one from Dimievka, you will curse your entire life from woe and needs."
Convinced by these words, Anna heeded her mother's advice and, having married the man from Myshelovka, she never repented this in her entire life.
Disobedience ends in failure
But once it was just the opposite. The Starets advised a youth to marry a certain young widow, but the young man married a maiden whom he himself had chosen.
"Why bother listening to such an old man?" he said to his comrades. "The old monk won't find out anyway."
When, in a week's time the young couple came to Kitayev, they went to see the Starets for his blessing. Feofil met them on the threshold of his cell and instead of his blessing, the newlyweds received an old, worn out basket, on the bottom of which was a pile of rubbish and on top lay two apples. Not being able to understand this, the young people went to the Kitayev spiritual father for an explanation. The spiritual father listened to them and said:
"Two fresh apples — that is you. The pile of rubbish under them — that is the unfortunate life under you."
And, in fact, not even a year passed before the young couple began to quarrel and finally separated.
Notice the difference how when a person made his own choice, it failed miserably. But the true Elder could see each soul with perfect clarity and tell the party what would be wisest for him or her. Those with good sense would obey unquestioningly, while those with arrogance or pride [ "I can make my own decision" ] would revolt only to feel pain boomerang back to them for their lack of respect for the man of God.
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